If You Were Only More Like Me…
Wanna be a miserable cuss? Surround yourself with people who are just like you! In my continuous journey of personal development, I realize what a myopic view of the world we tend to have as individuals. We can only see the world through our own eyes, which are trained to see what we’ve learned is important to ‘us’ as an individual. We focus on that which we are attracted to and typically abhor that which we dislike. The significant challenge with that is statistically only 25% of the population is like us. Therefore we will love, love, love 25% of the population and despise the remaining 75% of the planet that we don’t get or understand…and even worse, we try our damndest to change them to be more like us.
I don’t know about ya’ll, but for me this is a lose-lose proposition. Since there are more people that are not like me than those that are, this unawareness creates a miserable life. In 75% of our interactions with others, we are continuously correcting those around us to be different than they are so they’ll be more attractive to us. No surprise, they are doing the same. As a result, 75% of our social interactions with others are spent being annoyed that ‘they’ (the other 75%) aren’t ‘getting it’. We tell ourselves about ‘them’, “If you were only more like me…then YOU and the world would be such a better place!” There is a deeper reason for this, which once you understand, will forever free you from wearing your black robe and gavel judging any and everyone for their differences.
The truth is this; what we despise in others is only a reflection of what we hate the most about ourselves.
Hmmm, let’s digest that one for a minute. “So you’re saying that when I don’t like someone else, it’s because their actions, words, or personality is what I don’t like about me?” Yup.
“No way, you don’t understand. I LOVE ME. I’m perfect. I’m the cat’s meow, the shiznit, the bomb!” Really…
Then why are you your own worst critic? Why do you beat yourself up on the regular for what you should’ve, would’ve and could’ve done? Why do you have so little faith in yourself that you give up on your dreams, goals and desires when the going gets tough and then justify it by rationalizing why you aren’t worthy of the prize? Why, when you look in the mirror and no one else is around, do you see all of the ways in which if you were different…things would be so much better?
It’s not that ‘they’ should be different. It’s that ‘we’ need to learn how fabulous we are. When we start to pull back the veil of our insecurities, we find that ‘we’ are pretty much all the same. As a human being, we have the same basic needs, wants and desires. Our dislike of others is truly a reflection of that which we are still struggling to love about ourselves.
The irony is that without our differences life would be like watching paint dry. It is our contrasts that give us the canvas to paint the portrait of living…really living. Without pain there is no recognition of joy, without failure there is no understanding of success, without darkness there is no comprehension of light. People are the same way.
So today, lets all try a little experiment. Rather than allowing yourself to be troubled by another’s differences, focus on yourself and see where you are exactly the same. Next, forgive yourself for your frustration at disliking that about you and love yourself anyway. Then look back at the person you were frustrated with and have a good laugh…the person in the mirror ain’t so bad after all, huh!